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A letter from Paul to the Lydians

Paul Thorson is a congregant in the St. Lydia’s community.  This summer he moved to Minneapolis, MN to pursue ordination in the ELCA.  He periodically sends us letters to update us on his progress and whereabouts; this epistle came to us by email on July 24, 2011.

Greetings to all of you!

I am biting my lip as I think of the retreat you were on…entirely out of jealousy.  Many of you know I missed last year’s retreat and I’ve kicked myself repeatedly for doing so.  You may or may not believe it, but there are few places I’d rather be than anywhere on retreat with Lydians.

First, I miss you…big time.  I miss our shared time together on Sundays, the meetings we had during the week and the other activities we participated in as a community.  Thankfully, I receive the updates from Rachel (who I sadly missed getting together with over the 4th of July weekend) and these are a source of joy for me.  Of course, they were a source of joy for me when I lived in New York and they remain so for me now that I’m in Minneapolis.

There’s a band I really like called Hot, Hot, Heat (I’m not sure if they’re still a band or not but I do still love their music).  Lately, the weather has made me think of them quite a lot.  It’s not that the weather makes me think of their music but more that the weather makes me think of their name.  I had many conversations comparing the climates of Minneapolis and New York (too many actually) and I must admit: as miserable as it has been here, I have a feeling it’s much worse out there.  I feel for you all in the going down to the subway and the being on the subway.  Yes, I remember the air conditioning.  I also remember those empty cars that lifted my hopes only to find out the air conditioning chose not to work in those cars.  I also remember that during rush hour, air conditioning on subways was all but inconsequential due to the unintentional and unavoidable physical closeness shared by all the rush hour riders.  Eeeew!

If I haven’t mentioned it already, I really miss all of you.  Things in Minneapolis are fine.  There are wonderful things about being here and yet because I’m somewhat stationary (looking for work, no income, etc.)  at the moment, I get a little restless now and then.  Yes, I think it’s good for me to experience this.  Yes, I look forward to income.

As I read about all of the changes happening with St. Lydia’s, it makes me smile and breathe a bit heavier; two things I think positive change should always so.  It’s not always easy to know if change is positive but as Christians and as Lydian’s, that’s what making a decision is all about: searching from within, observing what is outside, coming to realize the lines are not as distinct as we might have thought and working through it together.  I’m confident that the changes are ones that you (we) can live with and what’s more, we can live meaningfully with these changes.

I have been trying to visit church communities here in Minneapolis and because of my planning skills, this has been more difficult than it needs to be.  Churches here start earlier in the summer, 10:30 – even 10:00 a.m. as I found out when I strolled in at 11:-05 only to find people exiting the sanctuary as I was feeling good about entering.

In some ways, my life contains this awkwardness.  I feel as if I’m out of time with those around me.  It doesn’t make for a painful experience but it lacks an ecstatic-ness that I often seek and rarely find.  It does set my mind reeling though and in times like these, I’m better off if I can quiet my mind, which for me means, meditate(!), let things come at me and work through them rather than hoping for or attempting (nearly always unsuccessfully) to make them ecstatic.

Okay, I’ve already missed the retreat I hoped this letter would be a part of so I’m going to send this off and with it, much love.

Blessings, Paul

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